n many ways I am a small man, a small, petty man. Life as a second-rate web cartoonist isn´t easy for the internet, much like the sea, is a harsh mistress. That´s probably why I couldn´t keep my fool mouth shut but rather felt the need to point out some of these other cartoons that are worse than mine.

These aren´t simply bad cartoons. There are plenty of bad cartoons out there, too many to bother listing. These are cartoons that are so awful that their very existence makes me angry in some unknowable, unreasonable way. It takes a lot to make me hate a cartoon. I like to give every cartoonist the benefit of the doubt, remember, most web cartoonists aren´t formally trained nor are they making any profits. They´re just doing it because they love the artform. So I don´t like to pull a mock and gawk unless I´m absolutely sure that it´s deserved. I can´t always explain why I hate these particular comics. I´ll do my best, but sometimes it just comes down to an unexplainable gut revulsion. I could say that these comics are so unbelievably wretched, so horribly gone awry in both concept and execution, that they will cause your eyeballs to gush blood and your brain to curdle like old milk. I could say that these are comics that suggest that God is, in fact, dead. I could even say that they really, really suck. But I’m not going to mince words: quite frankly,these are

Comics So Bad They Made Baby Jesus Cry
Remember how, in the "Good Comics" section, I used that picture of the guy with the spoon on his nose to rate how good a comic was? In order to illustrate the mind-numbing badness of these comics I had to come up with an entirely new scale, something appropriately vile that would instantly clue in even the most obtuse reader that these comics blow. So, without further ado, I introduce South Africa’s number one box office sensation funny man Leon Schuster as “Meesta Bones:”

"No BONES about it, these comics suck ass! Ha ha ha ha!"

As subtly implied by the above picture, these comics are comparable to the film "Mr. Bones," which I have not seen but whose trailer contained enough awfulness for twenty ordinary movies.

"I’ve got a BONE to pick with you! Ha ha ha ha!"

(Editor’s Note: The film "Mr. Bones" follows the wild and wacky misadventures of a stupid witch doctor sent to America to recover a chief’s long lost son – who just happens to be a professional golfer. Mr. Bones is also, incidentally, the only white member of this tribe. There’s also, if the trailer is to be trusted, a lot of elephant crap involved.)

"Hey, how about dem BONES?!? Ha ha ha ha!"

This was, of course, an unnecessarily long and contrived way to introduce the rating system for this next segment: I’ll be judging these comics on a scale of one to five “Mr.Boneses,” with five being the worst and one being the best.

"Don’t give me the cold should- no, wait, wait. That’s not right. Crap."

When Does the Hurting Start?
Riiiight about...NOW!

Hare Crotals: Pageant City - The Story of Miss Vermont, Six Starrlettes,and the Bright Side of the World Trade Center.

Deer Fumets: Kit ´n´Kay Boodle - The Story of Two Cartoon Foxes with Enormous Genitals.

Fox Waggying: Whirl Girl - The Story of Soulless Corporate Marketing.

Know a webcomic whose very existence punishes your brain? Submit it here!

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