The founder and president of the "Junior Capitalists of Anachronista" and an intern at "Bottomfeeder, Scumsucker, and Parasite," Howard's every waking thought is to how he can improve his profit margin. To this end, he is also co-founder of the Anachronistan Military-Industrial complex. He loathes Wilhelm with a passion, seeing the artist's disdain for material wealth as a threat to the status quo. He constantly undermines Wilhelm's attempts to find the meaning of life and the secret of the blue flower. Howard's favorite hobby is pulling the wings off of butterflies.